The Parable of the Good Social Justice Warrior

Gather ’round, children, and let me tell you a story.

First, let me recount the parable of the Good Samaritan from the Bible (emphasis added).

“A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he was attacked by robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. 31 A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. 32 So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. 33 But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. 34 He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, brought him to an inn and took care of him. 35 The next day he took out two denarii[c] and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.'”

Now, let me tell you the parable of the Good Social Justice Warrior (SJW):

“A man was living in some Third World hellhole, when his village was bombed by a criminal entity known as the United States government. U.S. planes blew up the local hospital and machine-gunned anyone they saw on the ground, leaving the man half dead.  A neighboring country happened to see the carnage, but did nothing to intervene; and nobody called them bigots or ordered them to open their borders. So too, other neighboring countries saw it, but when the man tried to flee to their country, they simply pointed him toward Europe; again, nobody called them bigots or ordered them to open their borders.  

But then a SJW in the United States took pity on the man.  Rather than focus his energy on telling his government to stop bombing the man’s country so his people could settle their own affairs by themselves, however, he posted Facebook updates and memes about how the United States government, the same one that bombed the man’s village, should be entrusted with bringing this man to their country – just as long as the man wasn’t put in his neighborhood. 

The SJW also read feel-good articles about how it was the United States’s responsibility to let the man in, even if the entire matter was paid for by taxpayers, rather than the people who had actually bombed his country.

When the SJW saw millions of other men who had also been bombed by the United States, or not, looking to come to the country, the he immediately sought out anyone who questioned the wisdom of transplanting thousands of these people from an entirely different culture and religion into the middle of their communities and shamed them, insisting that diversity, even when coerced by the state, is the only humane stance to take. 

The United States government was quite content with this arrangement, as they got to continue bombing the country while letting the people from that region into their own to distract U.S. citizens from other issues. After all, it didn’t affect the government’s power in any way, since taxpayers were forced to foot the bill for both.  Plus, if there were any terrorist attacks by these men, then it would just give them an excuse to keep bombing the country while increasing their authority at home. 

After the man’s journey was completed, financed by taxpayer dollars, and he was given a nice living space, also subsidized by taxpayers, he proceeded to thank them by illegally obtaining guns, finding a gun free zone, and shooting everyone inside of it, including the SJW as it turned out, while  invoking the name of his god.

As he lay dying from his gunshot wounds, the SJW took out his phone and with his final seconds of life managed to post one last time on his Tumblr account:
They’ve got guns, but we’ve got flowers. Forgive me for my white male privilege. Don’t rush to conclusions. Don’t generalize. Keep the borders open! Long live our vibrant, multicultural democracy!”

The United States government responded by blowing up even more of the man’s country.

The SJW’s daughter eventually grew up to become a feminist, but she wore a headscarf so as not to offend her neighbors from the countries the U.S. had bombed. She also did it for her husband who, it turns out, was the son of the man who had killed her SJW father and whom she had married to prove that love conquers all. She thought having kids was oppressively patriarchal, but she adopted five orphans from Third World hellholes.

Meanwhile, the SJW’s son got kicked out of college after spending his entire childhood on Ritalin, because he couldn’t prove to the tribunal he didn’t rape a girl who, they later learned, never even existed. Still, he was forced to admit his privilege had caused him to forget about the crime and the girl. He then went MGTOW and died childless, thus causing the SJW’s family line to die out.

The end.

Don’t confuse the two parables.

BTW: H/T to Wintery Knight for covering this from a more serious angle.

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