If I ran a Hollywood studio

steuben_-_bataille_de_poitiers

I’d make a film chronicling the Battle of Tours. The entire movie would be spoken in French. I’d then release it with the above painting as the movie poster.

I’d net a billion dollars in box office receipts, easy.

Some might find that exploitive, but I didn’t create the problem and I can’t solve it, so might as well take advantage of the situation.

Hollywood producers won’t touch it, naturally, because they’re stupid. If you had one common man with a voice at those studios, they wouldn’t be churning out remake after remake of movies that were crappy to begin with. Trying to find a decent movie at Redbox to rent nowadays is like trying to find a Marxist at a John Birch Society meeting.

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11 Responses to If I ran a Hollywood studio

  1. D says:

    Yeah the movie selection these days is just horrible. Even if I wasn’t a libertarian I would still be very disappointed. I don’t necessarily know that the producers are stupid, but perhaps their customers are? I mean, they are probably just as stupid as their hundreds of millions of customers but they know how to make money, I can’t deny that. If you spend money on a ticket even though you know a movie is going to be bad then you are essentially ‘voting’ for that movie. The producers can’t tell if you are seeing the movie because you really wanted to or because there was nothing better to watch. All they see is numbers. And don’t get me started on the proffessional critics.

    Thats the problem with america, and the rest of the world really: we don’t understand that a purchase is a vote. And its a much more powerful vote than the one you waste your time with every two years.

    That reminds me, weren’t you working on a book? Is that still in the works?

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    • The Question says:

      I just remember when the film 300 came out. Everyone saw it for what it was; a story about a historical battle as an allegory for the modern geopolitical landscape. It was a ridiculous movie, but the makers knew how to make it appeal to the intended audience and why.

      Yes, still writing; the book is set for a January release date, and I just started on the prequel this month.

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      • D says:

        Im assuming you are going to make an announcement on here when you release it? Book title and all that?

        Can you give out the premise, plot or any other info now? Need any Beta readers?

        Like

      • The Question says:

        I’m really not sure how to deal with it, because I go by an alias here, and I’m still trying to figure out how to promote all my separate work, as I also volunteer with a political think tank.

        I’ll probably throw out a short post about it and direct readers to where they can buy a copy without explicitly saying THIS IS MY BOOK ,ISN’T IT AWESOME? GO OUT AND BUY IT, TAKE MY WORD FOR IT!

        Rest assured, it’s a very libertarian novel but I worked hard to not make it preachy in any way and as morally complex as possible.

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  2. I’d say that today has a lot of great films out there. The Lego Movie, Interstellar, Inception, The Dark Knight, the Lord of the Rings films, and Snowpiercer are a few examples of great modern films I can think of.

    And I’d be interested in a Battle of Tours movie. Maybe we could bring Martin Scorsese to direct it. Or even Peter Jackson, who could bring his sense of the large scale for a film that’d actually deserve it.

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    • The Question says:

      The Lego Movie, Interstellar, Inception, The Dark Knight, the Lord of the Rings film and Snowpiercer are a few examples of great modern films I can think of.

      All great films, but I’m thinking a a little bit more at the current moment. I’ve gone to the local Redbox for three weeks and haven’t found a single recent film worth seeing. And in the theaters there’s a lack of them, too. I’m a James Bond nut, as I’ve mentioned before, and I have no desire to see Spectre. Even the upcoming Star Wars movie has lost my interest.

      Peter Jackson could definitely do the film, but he needs to keep the CGI at the minimum.

      Liked by 1 person

    • D says:

      Never understood why everyone is going nuts over snowpiercer. It just seemed way over the top to me. Silly action sequences, completely unrealistic premise and very strong progressive overtones.

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      • The Question says:

        It just seemed way over the top to me. Silly action sequences, completely unrealistic premise and very strong progressive overtones.

        Haven’t seen this film yet, but all except the last element are vital ingredients to most of my favorite 1980s mindless shooters; Predator, Commando, Invasion USA, Rambo Part II, and of course Red Dawn.

        I love intelligent films, but mindless fun is still fun.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I’d make my own case for Snowpiercer:

        (1) yes, the film is over-the-top and very allegorical. But Bong Joon-ho’s direction and style make the film interesting, and I have my attention grabbed.

        (2) Chris Evans is really good here (he’s now one of my favorite actors). So is Tilda Swinton.

        (3) the film is stylized and dazzling; if over-the-top, it’s just so visually engaging and beautiful.

        (4) yes, there are strong progressive undertones, but Snowpiercer’s ultimate target is not necessarily capitalism but really totalitarianism. It even has strong anarchist leanings as well. Here’s a good article on the subject: http://thekoreanforeigner.blogspot.com/2013/08/the-philsophy-of-snowpiercer.html?m=1

        (5) the action is well-done, and this film has some of the most effective use of the “handheld” and “shaky-cam” style.

        (6) it’s such a visually literate film, using “left” and “right” in a very interesting way. For example, Curtis (the protagonist), when considering his decisions, looks left or right when he’s deciding where to go. This “left” and “right” motif is subtle, but it’s evident to those who pay attention.

        I’ve seen this twice, and I loved it on both viewings.

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      • D says:

        OK thanks, ill check out the article. I do enjoy subtleties such as you mentioned. Maybe one day ill try to give the movie another go. That was the other thing-shaky cam! I can’t do shaky cam movies, just doesn’t work for me, gives me a headache.

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      • The Question says:

        I can’t do shaky cam movies, just doesn’t work for me, gives me a headache.

        Shaky cams make me laugh because they keep reminding me of the final scene from Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Lots of shakiness.

        Like

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