Why I Don’t Want to Have Kids

Put some coffee in the pot, pour yourself a large mug to the brim, and brace yourself.

This is gonna be a long one.

This story at InfoWars about CPS and police kidnapping a couple’s children for homeschooling them provides me with a rather vivid example of why I am slowly losing the natural desire to have children.

Because this is such an emotionally charged topic, easily prone to misunderstanding, let’s go through this step by step.

One, this is not a manifesto about how everyone should behave. I am not rendering judgment or issuing an ex cathedra pronouncement concerning anyone else’s decision to have or not have children. Each person should do as they wish. What follows pertains strictly to my own life based on my own observations; though I wonder how many share the same sentiments.

Two, this is not a declaration of intent. I am merely describing the situation we are in and how it is taking away incentives for me to have kids. Not only that, but the problems are not being addressed in any way and appear to getting worse.

In case you’re not interested in reading the entirety of what I promise you is an elongated rant/diatribe/soliloquy of the highest order, it really boils down to this: If I had a child, I would not be allowed to raise them as I see fit. If it were simply a matter of people espousing their personal preferences on child-rearing and leaving it at that, I’d be content. But it’s not. People truly believe they have a divine right to step in and take over whenever they get uncomfortable with how you raise your kid. The meddling is intrusive, thorough, and unbearable for people like myself. The system is designed to coerce people into raising their children in a way that is completely removed from how I would want to do it.

These entities are not above using state violence to get their way. I too am willing to use violence to defend my authority as a father.

You can do the math.

So that’s pretty much it.

But why let a good rant go to waste?

Let us begin.

Why I Don’t Want To Have Kids

Five years ago, six years ago, I was eager to get married and start a family. I wanted around five. I’m not sure why. Maybe it was out of a desire to be old fashioned, or perhaps I thought it was a sign of success. I don’t know.

What I do know is I lacked the most basic comprehension of the incredible, immense responsibilities of raising a child and the challenges inherent in such an undertaking.

When you decide to have a child, you are creating new life, a life that did not exist before. Your child did not choose to be born. Therefore, parents are responsible for raising them so that they can take care of themselves when they grow up. Anyone who gets this even partially knows that it is a task you cannot fail at.

If I became a father, however, I would not – I repeat, would not – have the authority to ensure I fulfilled this role adequately. Looming over every decision I made, everything I said, everything I taught and trained and instilled in my child, would be subject to not just society’s approval, but the government’s. This is because in reality people do not believe you have a right to raise your child as you see fit. They believe, subconsciously and beneath all their rhetoric, that your child ultimately belongs to the community and you are stewarding. When they don’t like what you do, they can step in and take over. This can be done directly, via kidnapping, or indirectly through social conditioning. To paraphrase, all your children are belong to us.

I do not say this lightly, but I cannot imagine how it is feasible for anyone, let alone a libertarian, to effectively rear a child in this environment without meticulous planning, preparation, and the support of a community. The enormous implications in having a child are never discussed by anyone. To a rational person, this is a good reason to pause.

If I were to have a child, for example, I would want to raise it myself along with my (theoretical) wife. I would not want them raised by the state, not even by private schools. Again, it is my responsibility, not theirs; if my child is a failure, then my wife and I have failed.

The difficulties in this are evident. I also have to work a job to pay the bills. And kids are expensive to raise. You can budget, yes, but only up to a certain point. A full time job dictates that you spend most of your day somewhere else. There are only so many hours in a day, and on top of work you have other duties to attend to.

Spending meaningful and productive time around your child is not an option. You cannot merely provide clothes and food and shelter for a child and then say you did your duty. They require spiritual, emotional, and intellectual investment. You have to build them up and guide them gradually towards independence and self-reliance.

And we’re just talking about one. Try adding two or three more.

This is not a simple task. And it requires time. Lots of it. In earlier times, when children lived and worked on the farm, parents could teach them. They also had the community there to support them. Now, we have separated and compartmentalized the family as a unit. Unless my job allows me to bring my kids along or work at home, it’s an upward battle.

This is hardly realistic, but for me it is required. As long as parenting is a voluntary decision, we get to decide if it is worth it, if we think it is worthy of our time. Society and government can set the terms and conditions under which we have to operate all they want, but in the end we have the right to decline if we find them so repugnant that forgoing parenthood is preferable to children who aren’t truly ours.

If society wants us to comply, then it has to reassess the direction it is going. This, it does not and will not do anytime soon.

People don’t seem to get that parenthood is a choice. You can throw all the temper tantrums you want, write articles shaming people for not obeying your commands and fitting into the narrowly confined limitations you wish to impose on them, but at the end of the day they can reject it and go their own way.

They have taken this for granted because, as unpleasant as it is to say it, most people are derelict in exercising their freedom of choice before they become parents. They do not make demands and stick with them. They do not try to buck the current trends or go against the grain if they feel it is in the best interests of their child, or defy convention on how they must parent their kids. They do what everyone else does. Having kids was part of the checklist, along with the McMansion and mini-van, and now they need to get back to the lives they had before.

Many people fail to appreciate the freedom that comes without children. You can afford to live on very little. You can come and go as you please. You can stay up late, get up early. You’re extremely mobile, able to move to new regions without having to take into consideration children. You can take unusual jobs with odd hours, work part time, or travel. Children by default remove many of these options.

I feel obligated to point out the obvious fact that this doesn’t infer children are just a burden. They can be an indescribable blessing. But when we choose to have children we are essentially, and voluntarily, surrendering our independence. Which is fine, provided the payoff is worth it, and there has to be a strong chance it will be. For this to happen, I have to be motivated, hence the need for incentives.

One doesn’t think of it this way, but raising a child is an investment. You are investing your life in your child. Like all investments, the higher the risk, the greater the payoff needs to be. The payoff for raising a child is a rewarding relationship with them after they grow up and take responsibility for themselves while adhering to the basic values you taught them.

The problem, however, is that this investment has never been riskier. The odds of a real payoff have been reduced to an anomaly. It’s so bad people can hardly maintain the pretense of parenting being worth it. Observe that parenthood is now marketed as a duty one must do, rather than a joy or life pleasure.

There’s an old saying I’ve come to cherish: People don’t have to be pressured or coerced into doing something that benefits them.

When someone trying to sell you a bill of goods has to resort to shaming, it’s because they can’t even pretend it’s in your best interest.

The Village Trying To Raise the Child Is Evil

Don’t forget that as you raise this child outside of the system, you will be engaged in a constant battle to protect your child from harmful influences, including people who may seem friendly but will willingly participate in the destruction of your family and children by undermining your authority and handing it over to the state. Unless you are intentional about where you live, chances are the majority of people around you will look at you with suspicion. All it will take is one anonymous phone call, and it’s over.

Furthermore, the current culture is so toxic it consumes all but a handful. When what you believe is part and parcel of society’s values, disciplining your kid is less difficult. Social norms rein them in.

But when the norms are the exact opposite of what you believe, there’s tremendous risk that all the time and money you spent on preparing them for life and to share your values is undone by uncontrollable outside elements. Speaking from personal experience as someone who went to private school, thousands and thousands of parents simply wasted their hard-earned money to have their kids taught things they immediately threw out the door once they got to college.

As the InfoWars story and other similar tales demonstrate, there is a war being waged over the control of the next generation, i.e. your children. Go to the family’s website, where they give the finer details of the raid on their home. What you see is government acting on its belief that it can take your kids away whenever they want. Whether it happens frequently or not is beside the point. The fact is they can and you don’t know when it might happen. It’s a crap shoot.

While the father in this particular scenario conceded out of coercion and is taking it to the courts, I would not. When you surrender your kids to CPS or the police, you do not know if you will ever see them again. The stress and pressure can destroy a marriage, and with it the family.

Not having a kid means I don’t have to make that kind of choice.

Let’s also talk about the state of marriage (I have a separate post on this planned). As Dalrock in the Manosphere has pointed out, the current political regime is designed for men to have children and then separate them by encouraging frivolous divorce; the family courts have incentives to kick fathers out of their own homes, while enslaving them financially by burdening them with life-time alimony and child support based on “imputed income.” If this happens, fathers hardly ever see their kids, if at all, but they still have to pay for their upbringing, which they have little to no say in. Odds are, the state will raise them through public education.

If you want to know my worst nightmare, I just described it above.

Leaving the Wrong Legacy

We are witnessing the unstoppable cultural collapse of Western Civilization. While my parents’ generation couldn’t care less, content that they will be dead by the time the collapse is complete and that they got theirs, my generation will live to watch it completely unfold. If I have children, they will get to suffer the consequences of decisions made by people who have long been dead and buried.

Having children responsibly means you have to be cognizant of your situation in order to decide whether things will improve or not, and whether you can prepare them appropriately to deal with the challenges they will face in life, challenges you probably didn’t have to contend with.

How many actually do that? How many people actually take the time to think about what their kid will need?

What amazes me is that people immediately assume my reluctance to procreate is because I am selfish – which I consider to be a grand act of projection.

For the self-centered, having kids is easy. You “fulfill” your responsibility to society by engaging in a not-so unpleasant activity. Once the child is born, you can shift all your responsibilities onto the state and never be held accountable by anyone. You can drop them off at daycare and all-day kindergarten and send them through the public education system. You never have to think about whether they’re learning myths, lies, propaganda, or ideologies that contradict the natural state of things. You don’t have to be concerned with your son being prescribed drugs that can cause suicidal thoughts. You don’t have ponder apprehensively about whether your adolescent daughter is being taught how to put condoms on wooden knobs (true story). You don’t have to fret over how your kids may be enslaving themselves by taking out tens of thousands of dollars in student loans to get worthless degrees and still not be able to get jobs in a bad economy. You don’t need to concern yourself over whether your family will be able to practice your religion according to the dictates of your conscience when it goes directly against government decrees, or if you’ve left them woefully unprepared to deal with circumstances completely different from the ones you’ve conditioned them for.

In fact, this is what our society encourages. It promotes a parenthood where two people produce progeny and then leave it to the state to care for, feed, clothe, guide, and educate. Those of us who actually aspire to be good parents must carry additional burdens in order to raise them as we see fit.

While Parents Slept

Back to personal experience; a great deal of parents I know or observe are utterly clueless about how they are setting up their kid for failure. They’re so unaware that they can’t see how their son is hopelessly depressed, and if they do notice they automatically assume something is wrong with him rather than the environment they have placed him in. Kids are treated like trophies, guns, and coats, to be displayed when convenient and then put away and ignored when not needed.

Parents are also out to lunch pertaining to culture. On this issue, trad cons (traditional conservatives) are without question the worse in terms of self-delusion. They scream about how young men need to “man up,” while refusing to discuss state intervention into marriage and parenthood – at a man’s expense – or how they themselves are to blame for the infantilization of these young men . They act like it’s still the 1950s, but screech in outrage at the suggestion that perhaps their precious daughter dropping off her kids at daycare and after-school care while she works some mind-numbing corporate office job isn’t the most preferred way to raise them. They talk about “leaving a legacy,” but then bemoan the degradation of a country that their generation has run for decades.

To reiterate, the greatest fear of mine is that I will spend years of my life raising a child to believe one thing, only to then see them brainwashed to believe what I despise and hate.The possibility of this is so great that it has given me pause on a natural desire. Rather than risk it, I can pursue interests and passions that would not otherwise be possible with children and also have a much higher probability of bringing me happiness, because the state and society cannot control them as easily.

I cannot in good conscience commit to being a parent and investing the bulk of my only life on this planet to sacrifice and provide for a child when there is such hostility directed at my particular values, beliefs, and traditions unless I know I can succeed in spite of this opposition.

Sadly, whenever I bring up my apprehensions, even among people who share my beliefs, they are casually dismissed. There are no reassurances that my rights will be protected. There are no promises that my community will respect the rules of my household and the standards I hold my children to.

Instead, I get whining and complaining about my immaturity, or I am lectured about my need to “man up” and deal with it, which only goes to show the profound ignorance and/or indifference infesting our society. The last thing we seem interested in is acknowledging cause of the problems and changing them. Admitting you’ve had it wrong is too strong of a drink to swallow, especially when you won’t suffer the consequences for those mistakes.

The Libertarian Case For Not Having Children

With this in mind, look at it from a libertarian perspective. By not having children, I am starving the state of much-needed youth to perpetuate an unsustainable system and parasite off of them. I do not have to worry about what happens in the public education system or if taxes go up so high others have no choice but to send their children there. Without children, what happens in culture and society is more of a nuisance to me than a genuine apprehension. I do not have to fear what goes on college campuses, my son being falsely accused of sexual assault by an ex-girlfriend, or my daughter indoctrinated in cultural Marxism.

I am also denying the state the most effective way of controlling me, through my offspring. They cannot take away that which I do not produce. I cannot be coerced through threats to a family I refused to build. A thief cannot steal what a man doesn’t have.

Without children, I can mock the state without trepidation. I can write and speak without consideration for how it might affect my sons and daughters. If I suffer consequences, they do not impact innocent bystanders.

Among my books is a copy of Education For Death: The Making of a Nazi by Gregor Ziemer. Ziemer was the head of the American school in Berlin during the Third Reich and was one of the few permitted to tour the Nazi education system. In one chapter, he recounts going to the home of a German family where the dying son refuses medical treatment out of a desire to become a martyr for the Fueher. The Nazis, like so many totalitarian regimes before and after it, had successfully brainwashed the future of the family while the parents stood by and did nothing.

How many parents are doing the same today, in silence and shame?

I, for one, could not. I don’t believe people, particularly libertarians, should have children if they aren’t willing to do whatever it takes to protect them, whether it be from a rapist or state officers trying to kidnap them. Because of this conviction of mine, the liabilities of a child are more profound than someone who will comply when faced with state violence if he defends his children.

Let me give a final analogy. I write fiction. Imagine if society and government were arranged so that if I were to write a novel, not only would they be able to comment and critique throughout the drafting process, but at any moment if they didn’t like what I was writing they could come in and take it away, edit it, then publish it without my approval. Imagine if there was a strong possibility than any novel I wrote would be completely rewritten to tell a story utterly unlike the one I set out to write.

Imagine also if this same book they published had my name at the bottom as the author.

If this were the situation, I would not write. I would refrain, because the probable outcome would defeat the very purpose of my writing the novel in the first place.

It’s the same with having kids, albeit I haven’t made up my mind. But it troubles me profoundly that it’s become not only a potential option, but a logical one.

Has it truly has come to that?

Note: Aaron Clarey at Captain Capitalism has written extensively on the same subject here, here, and here, as well as made Youtube videos explaining a similar position.

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This entry was posted in Central Government, libertarianism, private schools, Public Schools, Religion, Social issues, society and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to Why I Don’t Want to Have Kids

  1. Pingback: Why I Don’t Want to Have Kids - Freedom's Floodgates

  2. Interesting article, and I can see where you are coming from. I think you could say the same things, say, 250 years ago, that you didn’t want to have children because the infant mortality rate was so high, or the life expectancy was so low. There have been challenges to parents since there were children.
    But I think, maybe, your fears are a little exaggerated, not that your points don’t ring true in various circumstances, but, I am the father of 8. My wife and I raised them as we wanted too, homeschooling them, not a day in a private, not to mention public, school. There have been challenges, of course, anything worth it’s salt is worth a challenge, risk nothing, gain nothing.
    Children are much more resilient than most give them credit for. And, as a Christian, I believe what the Bible says, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he grows old, he will not depart from it.”
    My kids range from 10 to 21. They are not Statist, in fact even my 10 year old twins understand basic Austrian Economics. Would the world be better off for my wife and I not to take the chance of having them?
    I am 40 now, I was homeschooled, I remember families, who lived 2 counties away, who got their children taken for home schooling. Didn’t stop my parents.
    Is there a chance some children who are raised in a loving “Libertarian” family, may end up Statist? Sure.
    So? We are to give up on having kids?
    Believe me, Statist are not going to stop having children, if Liberty lovers stop, in one generation, what will you have left?
    Statist.
    Will the State some day come and try to steal my kids? Maybe. What will I do? I will know what to do if it happens.
    These folks who had their children stolen, I would like to ask them, if they could do it over again, would they choose not to have their children?
    I doubt it.
    If we have no children why are we fighting for liberty? For whom?
    Obviously, each person should make this decision with serious thought. But good grief, don’t be afraid to have what will become not only a reason for you to live and fight for freedom, but will become the greatest joy in your life.

    Your children.

    Like

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